We’re living in a shop. The world is one magnificent fucking shop, and
if it hasn’t got a price tag, it isn’t worth having. There is no greater
freedom than freedom of choice. I was brought up to believe in that, and so
should you, but you don’t. You don’t even want roads. God, I never
want to go on another train as long as I live. Roads represent a fundamental
right of man to have access to the good things in life. Without roads, established
family favourites would become elitist delicacies. There’d be no more tea
bags, no instant potatoes, no long-life cream. There’d be no aerosols.
Detergents would vanish, so would tinned spaghetti, and baked beans with six
frankfurters.
The right to smoke one’s chosen brand would be denied. Chewing gum would
probably diasappear, so would pork pies. Foot deodorisers would climax without
hope of replacement. When the hydrolised protein and monosodium glutamate reserves
ran out, food would rot in its packets.
Jesus Christ, there wouldn’t be any more packets. Packaging would vanish
from the face of the earth. But worst of all, there’d be no cars. And more
than anything people love their cars. They have aright to them. If they have
to sweat all day in some stinking factory making disposable cigarette lighters
or everlasting Christmas trees, by Christ they’re entitled to them.
They’re entitled to any innovation technology brings, whether it’s
10% more of it or 15% off of it, they’re entitled to it. They’re entitled
to one of four important new ingredients. Why should anyone have to clean their
teeth without important new ingredients? Why shouldn’t they have their
CZT? How dare some Marxist carbuncle presume to deny them it! They love their
CZT. They want it, they need it, they positively adore it, and by Christ, while
I’ve got air in my body, they’re going to get it. They’re going
to get it bigger and brighter and better. I’ll put CZT in their margarine
if necessary. Shove vitamins in their toilet rolls. If happiness means the whole
world standing on a double layer of foot deodorisers, I will see that they get
them. I’ll give them anything and everything they ever want, by God I will.
I shall not cease ‘till Jerusalem is builded here on England’s green
and pleasant land.
From the film ‘How To Get Ahead In Advertising’